When my husband and I were grabbing a bite today (errand day), we happened to see the aftermath of a fender bender. Now I am a people watcher (and a good number of tips come from real life), so this was a sad and educational moment for me.
Apparently a gentleman had very lightly bumped a lady's car as they were waiting to make a right turn, so lightly bumped that there wasn't a mark to be seen on anyone's car. The next half hour, I watched the woman rant and rave at the man (who had made the mistake of being blunt with her) and several people on her phone, harass a couple of policemen (who couldn't find a scratch on her bumper either), and generally irritate everyone (including those of us having a meal in the restaurant who could see and hear her ... tantrum (honestly, just no other word for it)).
As my husband and I discussed everyone's behavior, we basically talked about how to deal with wounded people and how to take the heat out of difficult situations where there is little you can really do to help someone. The woman in the fender bender obviously felt violated by the event, but it was such a minor slight, and an accident at that, that you have to deduce that her anger was really about her stuff that got set off by the incident. Theoretically it might have helped if someone could have connected with her, listened to her and tried to validate her feelings.
So I observed two things today that I am passing on to you as tips. Please own your own wounds and get help when you need it (if you are often hurt and/or angry, that's a red flag). When your spouse is acting out of their wounds (and things may clearly have nothing to do with you or anything you've done), stay calm, stay kind and listen. When people are in pain they will act out. Sometimes a listening ear (and certainly a kind voice) can begin to take the heat out of a difficult situation and may actually begin the healing process.
It is better to listen in order to understand than to listen in order to reply. Author Unknown
Think generous! Lori <><
Copyright © 2001-2009 Lori J. Byerly
All Rights Reserved
http://www.the-generous-wife.com
About the Author
No comments:
Post a Comment